What Pushed Your Button?
This post is for everyone who has ever experienced getting their buttons pushed. Think of getting your buttons pushed as encountering a strong emotional response to something that was said or done. It could be any range of emotions, such as anger, fear, or sadness. The intensity of the reaction is usually in direct proportion to the size of the button.
We all have buttons, and they vary in size and shape. Our reaction when our buttons get pushed range from mild irritation to a potential rage monster. I have a variety of buttons. A smaller button for me is the frustration I experience when someone wastes my time. My boss was notorious for asking me to do something and then scrapping the project after I had invested a lot of time and energy. I hate it when people waste my time or make me do rework. I have big buttons that incite my rage monster. My biggest button is when I feel that I have been vetoed. For me, a veto is anytime that I don’t get a vote or a voice in a matter. I find this experience of not being seen or heard to be the ultimate form of disrespect.
The problem with getting our buttons pushed is when we erupt emotionally, play the victim, and then blame others for our reaction. Being emotionally intelligent is about taking personal responsibility as opposed to taking things personally. It takes awareness and choice to own your buttons and to choose to react differently.
No one wants to be the person who erupts emotionally, and no one wants to feel like they have to be treated with kid gloves. Recognizing and dealing with your buttons is a form of resiliency and strength. When I find that my buttons are being pushed, these are the steps that I take to process my feelings. Note, this is an internal process.
1. Acknowledge. When I am experiencing a strong emotional response, I take a step back to breathe. Breathing can create an immediate shift to allow your thinking to catch up with your emotions.
2. Validate. To validate is to recognize and acknowledge the emotions that are coming up. Name your emotions, such as anger, frustration, fear, disappointment, etc.
3. Clarify. To clarify is to explore my emotions. This typically starts with “WOW! This is upsetting! Why am I feeling this way?” From there, I begin to pull apart what I am really experiencing. Am I taking things personally? Am I feeling disrespected, misunderstood, rejected, or left out?
4. Reframe. Re-framing is to change our perspective or interpretation of a situation. It begins by understanding your perspective and it may require you to challenge your interpretations and not take events/actions personally. Remember my boss who would frustrate me by wasting my time? My interpretation was that he was intentionally wasting my time. To re-frame the situation would be not to take it personally and to get clarity on how much time should be invested.
5. Restore. Some of our buttons have been with us a long time. For these buttons we need to go deeper in our exploration. We may have a block to overcome or a long-standing hurt that needs some healing. Our emotional response may be telling us that the topic or issue is important to us. My big button around being vetoed required some restoration and work with a coach.
When it comes to buttons, I really needed to address my button around getting vetoed. It frequently happened in my relationship with Bob. There were many times that my ideas would be met with an immediate ‘no’ as opposed to my ideas being considered. It would piss me off that his 'No' was more important than my 'Yes’. I would not marry Bob until we worked on how we would handle the veto. Before we got married, he did some deep work on why he would veto me while I did some deep work on why it incited my rage monster.
For Bob, he was looking to make an efficient decision based on his experience. There was no ill intent or malice in his veto as it was based on his values and what he believed was in our best interests. For me, I learned that my button was rooted in years of not being seen or heard by the men in my life. It started with being belittled as a child, which morphed into being bullied in school and then years of tolerating a corporate culture where cronyism was rewarded. Many years of me not being seen or heard resulted in me having a large button around being vetoed. I have gone on to own my button, explore these feelings, and heal.
Do you want to be a slave to your buttons? Our buttons can take us out, and the injuries behind our buttons can shrink us. If you are interested in healing and restoring yourself, I offer restoration sessions incorporating the Sedona Release Method and other types of Noble Healing. If you would like to work through interpretations or blocks which keep you from managing your buttons, I offer one on one coaching. To learn more about either, you can book a complimentary No More Buttons Discovery Call.
My DREAM is to empower all women regardless of their ability to pay for services. If you found this beneficial, please consider making a free will offering
Know you are helping all women as I continue to develop blogs and offer free services.
Thank you!!